Suck my dick & other tales

On notes left in the DJ booth, and misogynists in love

I was left this note last night. Delightful isn’t it? Let’s look at it more closely.

“Suck my dick!”

The first comment written is fairly innocuous. If I’m being critical, it does slightly fall into the realms of ‘pat pat well done gold star’ territory (addressed in my article here), but the intentions are good. The second – well, what can I say? It was given anonymously so I assume the desired effect was not to literally elicit oral sex from me, but simply to intimidate or insult. Male DJs get offers – I get orders, apparently.

I’ve had everything from the sublime to the ridiculous handed to me at work. How about this request?

I don’t think I need to go into how wrong this is.

Just no. Can you not.

How about these two gems – both from the same night:

“Mate, I’ve been looking at you for a while and I really like your stretchers, they really compliment your eyes. My name’s Stoey, my P.O is XXXX, my 21st is coming up soon + I want U 2 DJ x”

Be still, my beating heart! Starts out as a love letter and ends as a job proposal. How could I refuse?! Also I’m not sure how my ‘stretchers’ (ear tunnels) can compliment my eyes – unless my eyes were looking particularly round, black and abyssal that evening.

“Ms DJ, nice to meet you. I bought some shoes off a drug dealer yesterday. I think they were laced with something dodgy – I was tripping all day! Call me xx Juniper.”

Really? Really? 

As a female DJ, I had to quickly scale a steep learning curve when it comes to getting hit on. I’d like to stress before I go any further that I don’t think every man that shows interest in me is a dick. Nor do I wish to toot my own horn about how often it happens. I can point out, however, that I have noticed an increase in attention since full-time DJing, and a marked difference in the kind of attention I receive. I’m usually happy to chat with punters as long as I’m not knee-deep in a multi-layer mix, but I’ve learned the tell-tale signs of an ill-intentioned chat-up. Most common is guys trying to find common ground by informing me that they are DJs too. If this is true, there are three explanations considering I know most of the DJs in my local area: they’re all from out-of-town (unlikely), they’re bedroom DJs (more likely) or they’re telling big fat fibs (extremely likely). While this opener in itself is not a bad tactic, not once in my experience has someone who started with this line of conversation ventured any further into my interests before expressing their sexual interest in me. My only explanations for this are that perhaps they presume DJs are only interested in dating (or sleeping with) other DJs, or more so that they think it will impress me. To a certain extent if often feels like they’re trying to one-up me, citing vague details of residencies and mentioning genres they think I might not have heard of.

Speaking of musical taste, I frequently get attention for being an alternative looking person playing mainstream music. Just because I’m wearing a deathcore t-shirt doesn’t mean I can’t play a solid deep house set, but time and time again I come under scrutiny for it. In these situations it’s hard to consign this to anything but ‘negging’ – the act of subtlly insulting a woman in order to provoke her to defend and justify herself. This is exemplified in comments such as “you don’t like this music do you?” – simultaneously intended to disarm me while implying no right answer. I’ve often found that being an alternative person in a non-alternative environment can attract unwanted attention. I’m seen as a novelty, a girl who is ‘funny’ to hit on. I’ve had my tattoos and hair grabbed and manhandled more than I care to mention. Somehow it’s appropriate to make wild assumptions about my sexual behaviour based on my appearance, and furthermore worse to make unsolicited explicit remarks based upon these deductions. During my (very) brief outing into online dating years ago, I found this amplified moreso: curious men fetishising me for looking a certain way, reducing me to an ‘alternative girl’ archetype that would willingly comply with their wishes, e.g. “You’ve got tattoos, I bet you’re a kinky girl,” – I wish I was making that up.

All this is bad enough, but remember this is happening to me when I’m AT WORK. I’m not seen as a person doing a job, someone who has been professionally hired for a specific reason. I’m just another woman in a club, albeit one stuck somewhere with no hope of walking away. Who could resist a captive audience, eh? Worse is when I’m fetishised and seen as the ‘prize to be won’. Think of the man-points you could score. In contrast, women are more tactful with their chat-ups. Yes, I’ve had women express interest in me several times, and in my experience they’ve always been more gracefully honest with their approaches, and never taken my rejections personally. Is this a reflection of women in general, or perhaps lesbian/bi women in particular?


This being said, I’ve also been chatted up by men who meant well and took my polite declines benevolently. Not all guys are assholes. Next year I’m marrying a guy who got in contact with me after seeing me DJ. It’s not inherently wrong to hit on female DJs – just make sure it’s done respectfully, for the right reasons, and above all: not when we’re trying to fucking mix.

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